August 17th - Transitioning between Lives

I could/should write about
leaving England
Being back in my childhood house
The ups and downs of packing to relocate once again
Anticipating Guilford life starting up so soon
Thinking about people I like a lot that I am not with: sister, new friends from afar
The adjusting that has happened in the past 24 hours
Yellow/black and antler of road kill - constant reminders of such good times
Processing the weight of the experiencing and living the protest
Pondering my future
Procrastinating needing to desperately doggy paddle in logistics
Excitement to be reunited with loved ones at Guilford and after another few months mi hermana
and so much more -

but instead of writing words and attempting to describe the dance happening in my head I am going to put up pictures I found and I don't want to forget.

So much more than what the eye shows - special.

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Jesse and I, I wanted a picture, the truth was happening, exposure of reality, ...to remember.

The potential of photos that could have been after this one (this was the last photo taken before my camera battery died) eats away at me a bit - can't decide if it was meant to be though.  

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Something about this; growth, shapes, reality, maturity, exposure, love, softness,

I really like it and am very appreciative Jana snapped it 

Floating in the bliss of rain and flowers

A wet friendship photo

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(From late May 2013 but felt relevant to me just now)

Words on Balcombe

Hm... There is so much that could be said.

I really enjoyed not sleeping alone the past few nights and sharing the tents I was tent sitting with new friends. I have a big bed to myself tonight and I am not excited but I am sure I will sleep.

I took a bath for the first time in years today and bathed for the first time in a semi long while – the water definitely had a dirt tint to it when I was done. Simple living. Got to love the dirt!

The past 6 or so days have had so many incredible moments and experiences:

Drumming around the fire nearly every night.

Following where my feet take me.

Woke up this morning and the person next to me took a long inhale and said "smells like hippies!"

I have been feeling like a right hippy for the past week or so and it feels so true.

Siesta in the meadow with James was really nice – felt like a story tale. So natural.

Potentially emotionally super draining protest but because of the family feel to the my spirits stayed alright.

Being responsible for tracking the timing, plate numbers, and companies of the lorries and cars entering and leaving the fracking site became something I held onto.

Things that were brand new fell into place very quickly and fluidly such as protest life, conversations with strangers, my friendship with James and Jo (female Jo), tent sitting, tracking plate ID, being around so namy cops…

I am not sure if I will be able to ever be in contact with and or see someone I so easily and naturally became very connected to in the past 2 days. I would be so good to cross paths again but also it feels ok letting life control that and not pushing too too hard.

The reality of me leaving England in 2 days hit me today.

Embercombe life feels like a LONG time ago, though I think about it at least daily because of the ring.

Life is to be filled with experiences. 

Here are some journal entries from the past week or so: (which ware written in the little brown book that is half filled with Polish/German hand writing and 2 beautiful dramings)

The sounds of

-a crackiling fire

-a shy ukulele

-a drill raping the earth

fill my ears

Sitting still as I hear and feel a loved one getting raped.

It is a drone but I am not going ot grown hard. 

I love my life. The struggles are full and brilliant. 

It is beautiful,

it is heart wrenching.

Green water.

Silent birds.

Appreciative of so much 

while being so saddened by the need...

The silence of a paused drill

is uplifting 

until my heart sinks

once again

as the rape continues. 

I am not against struggle or pain

but so much of me wants

things to be ok.

The beauty that is happening

is what is keeping me going

otherwise between the 

green water and the 

silenced birds

I may shut down.

Thank you to the people

for my life, 

for their lives, 

and for loving the 

mother we all share. 

I kind of feel like a tent squatter except not, more a tent jumper and sitter ;) 

Sitting on the side of the road

with many popole around me

feeling independent, strong,

and with floppy hair. 

There is a lot of support

of solidarity

in this environment. 

Dirty feet, floppy hair, same clothes, and happy. 

I just read The Gruffalo (by Julia Donaldson and Axel Stcheffler) to myself, sitting against a couch, on a sheep pelt like carpet. There is a really beautiful, calm, relaxing, and upbeat techno music coming from the tech tent. 

There is an amazing

calm, gentle love

in the air. Lots

of goodness. 

I like the meories and scars on my hads from the past few months of my life. 

The eye contact made between

fellow musicians 

Strangers connecting.

The exposure

     amazes me. 

The offers

     amaze me. 

The love never seizes to

     amaze me. 

The magic

     amazes me. 

The beauty 

     amazes me. 

And people coming together

to protect out mother

     amazes me. 

It would be a lie

not to mention the

continual rape we witness

the eyes of stone in uniform

and the rude comments of passing cars 

though

Responsibility --> response ability. Food for thought indeed. (Note made during the last half an hour, even though I arrived late because if a seista in the meadow, workshop on how to prevent burn out for activists presented by Reconnect.

My Balcombe fracking protest experience was...

brilliant, full, real, heart wrenching, inspiring, beautiful, challenging, educational, eye opening, and over all incredible. 

-tent sittiing-Patty's presence- legal observer training-asking for what I need and or want-initiating friendships-drumming alongside the lorries-official in and out tracker-listener-connecting with Jo, offering her a place to sleep, working in the kitchen with her prepping a meal for 60 in a kitchen full of donations-connecting with James (so fluid, full of enjoyment, and easy)

The past 6 days have included:

6 solid days without shoes, sharing a tent (which I was tent sitting) with 2 separate strangers (at separate times) both lovely people whom I now consider my friends, first protest, first time witnessing arrests, connecting through sharing emotional experiences with strangers that felt like family 

I do not ask the universe for many things specifically but I did put it in the air that I wanted to connect with a dreamer 2 nights ago while sitting in the tent alone with 2 burning candles after meditation ended - the universe provided. My experience is: if I treat the universe well and trust it, it will treat me well. Loving this life! 

2 simple and beautiful songs/chants

Earth my body, water my blood, air my breathe, and fire my spirit. 

I am no ones slave, I am no ones master

Balcombe Protest - Pictures

 The reality of that really only containing food products is quite unlikely...

Patty in the gray shirt in the front line.

Drilling lorry... Reflection... Copper...

Beautiful and so not. The white thing is the drill

Enjoying an incredible, healthy, colorful meal, and watching the protest of slowing down the lorries happen to understand how it works and how I can get involved without potentially getting arrested. 

Same plate on the front and the back - not something that is true to say about all the lorries, which is illegal and which I reported to the police (via phone knowing the cops present would most likely not act on my comment.)

We are filming them and they are filming us. Strange (heart breaking?) world.

Smile much??

Dan in the blue with the guitar as a personal car leaves the fracking site - plate documentation.

Kangaroo moon dancing. Jesse is on the bottom left. 

Dancing while being very aware of the fact that I could get arrested at any point - worth it, and good in the end. (I was handed a busc/know your rights card with the solicitors number on it, it stayed in my bra for a few days). 

The 110 foot long scroll: "List of the Harmed." 

I had a good cry in the meditation tent after rolling it up, connecting with the supporters of the scroll, reading name after name, knowing some of the people are from towns near where I grew up... It as a good experience and was certainly emotional for me as well as others. 

As I was sitting on the ground (as I so often have in the past few months) when Patty nudged me and silently told me to look at the cops. We were watching Drill Baby Drill right by the fence where the night shift cops stood. They were tentative to show interest at first but by the end every one of their eyes was on the screen. Education all the time! 

Candles aligned in a spiral inside the geodome made of sticks and tarps.

Serving lunch with Jo

Fran, Tinkerbell, Patty, and the lady bird apron wearing dish washer whose name I don't know (very friendly, kind, funny, and solid.) 

A common site over the past week.

Why they were going into the fracking site rather than fixing the destroyed road right in front of the entrance I do not know--

Doing nothing illegal but being involved. :)