Parents At Embercombe

I just found out that Mum and Dad visited Embercombe earlier today. I do not want to use tons of exclamation marks but this is made me very happy. I literally gasped out loud with joy when I read the first sentence in Mum's email to me. I loved observing my different reactions of reading about Mum and Dad meeting various Embercombe people. Jana was the first one :D She was in the kitchen. (Not in a super sad way, but - I miss her so much now.) I liked picturing Mum and Dad walking around Embercombe with Jana - down to the lake, in her yurt, around the dinning yurt, through the garden!!
I forget at what point in reading Mum's email I started crying, but that I did. Happy tears for sure.
I giggled when I heard that they met Eamon (who is doing the Journey - good for him!), awed when Mum mentioned Ruth, and tensed up as my body said "oh good" when I read that they had tea with Fiona and Asha.
They bought something at the corner market - of course they did! And by "came in the way you first did" I think they mean the 2 mile walk. Good for them. They walked in my footsteps ~
I was so nice to hear they made it to Embercombe, something, even though I suggested it I did not actually think would happen because of logistics. Reading about them being there and picturing that, made me realize that I may want to go back someday - which I was not sure about before.
Simon. They met Simon. All of these paths that crossed - my worlds blended today while I was on Guilford campus. Hehe.
By the end of the email I wanted to cry and feel my body pulsing under the rhythm of tears but the tears stopped shortly. The email where Mum describes her and Dad's visit to Embercombe is SO special to me. A good reminder of a lot of things. Glad some aspects of my life mixed , good timing.

Tried to catch the evidence of happy tears but it didn't come out so well.

So I decided to try and visually express what may have prompted the happy tears.

:) --> :/

After ate wave of life is incredible (I have time and resources to prep quality time for myself, I feel independent, I feel strong, I feel loved, etc.) the wave of the protest hit me. For the past few days I felt like I was practicing great control, and like it was a healthy and manageable decision to remove myself from those far away because of how it was hurting my heart. That was going just fine until I caught myself reading articles about it a women being sentenced to 93 days in prison for a home garden, rain water collecting being illegal, and other disturbing governmental controlling and people not knowing enough to rebel, issues. That happened. I cried a little bit, I wrote a passionate blog post for Maia's seminar, and decided I should move on so as to not get too caught up in something too heavy (during a time when I am consciously distancing myself from things, conversations, readings, that will weigh down my heart) - I checked my email. I received confirmation once again that I can get academic credit for doing something I want to do for personal reasons. This is good, great actually, but resulted in me looking at photos from the protest, youtube clips of arrests, and getting antsy about wanting a direct update and or to hear from people there, etc.

So now, I am half riled up as I was for the past 3 weeks about wanting to know what is happening in Balcombe, wanting to be with people there - the community and individuals, and upset at the government for treating the situation as they are, as well as sad that SO many people are oblivious of the whole situation (both in Balcombe and fracking in general.) It is 9:30 on Sunday night and I am either going to (watch a movie and have a sleep over with friends - would love to not sleep alone tonight) and or work passionately on my SCLA RoN paper /outline/idea/project.
Life just keeps moving forward.

Let Go

It includes: people I am not with and or won't be for the next week or more, experiences I have had, places I have set foot, things I have seen, connections I have developed, memories I recall...
A pretty huge thing happened. I decided to let go of my past and use it as a teacher but not a weight. Where I am is where I am and I want to make the most of that.
Pretty big change in my reality and the weight of my heart (...hoping it is not just because it is the weekend and my head has more free space rather than the week when time and thoughts feel like they need to be structured).

Trigger Sensitive

Lots of triggers came up today...
-today is Jame's court hearing. Haven't seen any signs of him in about 2 weeks now :( Hard <3
-I slept for about 4 hours last night... in the Shore lounge.
-My day started with submitting 2 assignments I regretted not putting more of myself into
-I realized that I trigger quicker and am more likely to be sad and or negatively effected by the world on little sleep. (= today)
-Swam in a pool of logistics about Food Justice, Farmers Market, and Real Food Challenge. I am tired of doggy paddling and feel like it is time to swim forward with love
-the AC got turned back on in our room which doesn't excite me.
-I am living out of a backpack for the next 2 days because of a visitor but more so because I am craving a reason to need to do that.
-I am really hoping I will get to see Paula sometime soon, very soon. Before spring break
-Not sure what I want. And not sure how to get there... (...exactly).
-Craving the comfort of the red notification and the words of one far away
-Not sure what I need but an pretty sure I need something
-Fingers crossed Vince will tap into my mood and wither cuddle into me and or poke around my head

I think I am going to call it a night for assignments now (before 10:30), walk to the Pines, and curl up on Vince's bed.

I made pesto :) Yet still didn't find time to make my second batch of kraut

Mixing Flavors of Places/Memories/Moments

Things that have happened in the past few hours
-gchatted with Mum in England
-skyped with Lily Sinclair and talked about the protest
-returned mentally from the canoe trip this weekend
-sent and read an email from Renee at Embercombe about her bump/baby
-finally picked up packaged from mail and print service. Talked to nice little guy about Seven Sagas
-HP with Jim Hood and Marek
-Saw Julia for the first time since she left with Maia on the way to urgent care
-I see the poison ivy on my foot: not sure what it is from
-have seen Justin and Lucas today, heard about there weekend and heard I was missed
-texted with Kelsey
-Almost texted Jacob last night - glad I didn't... I don't need another element present right now
-dove back into the pool of Slow Food/Food Justice logistics
-have a list of things to do but feel very not connected to it
-I have Guilfordian class in 30 minutes. Meh~
-I think I need a nap and or food. Energy in food/recharge and or love is needed.
Lots of different aspects of my life have been brought up today.
The cleu is happening. :) I am proud of my approach to research.

My current profile picture which feels relevant, appropriate, and accurate. Finally...

A Goodness Bubble

Talk about goodness (in a nut shell because I don't want to be on my computer for too much long.)

CF seminar had the first class outing (which will happen about every other week.) It included 2 miles of walking and getting to swim in a river! (I am asking permission to do a life challenge as an experiential class assignment around swimming/bathing in lakes, rivers, and streams in the Cape Fear River Basin for the next month!) That outing was so good and I felt very alive when returning and adjusting to being on  a college campus with computer work to do.
Thunder filled my ears as I walked to Shore. After making a phone call to Paula (an artist Chris Blain recommended :D?!) I saw droplets on the screen of my window and white lines falling down. By the time I gathered notebooks, schedule book, laptop, water bottle, snack, etc. and opened the door to the outside it was only a light drizzle.
I have been sitting in my study spot outside (and mostly waterproof) of Frank for the past few hours. I knew I needed to do email stuff as well as some moodle reading. Just as I thought to look at my phone to see if Justin had texted back about doing assignments with me in the lovely outdoors I looked up and saw Justin on his bike with a guitar!  :) Yay for good company and an extra special amazing wave of goodness with the guitar. So, I have been sitting with my butt on brick and my back against it for about 3 hours, listening to guitar, talking with Justin, figuring out camping logistics over email, finally catching up on emails, and feeling fulfilled with my life at the moment.
Today has consisted of: good people, good food, good water, good choices, good adventures, good conversations, and a healthy feeling of independence.

Productivity and Good Feelings

I feel healthy, content, comfortable, excited, happy, productive, and proud of multi tasking.
Things that have occurred in the last few hours...
-I completed my reading for tomorrow which I thought would take a lot longer (still need to do the moodle task, but because of how I set up my notes that will be easy peesie.)
I tried to get access to a bike (via texting 5 friends who have them) for ride tomorrow to ask someone a question
Kiernan and I connected and we are going to combine and do laundry together rather than doing 2 half loads - yay for water conservation and connections!
I did a quick, productive, and not too heart wrenching research/update on Balcombe protest - things seem ok. (Tigger got banished though after locking himself to a caravan in the middle of the rd.)
I talked with Jim (Marlow, over fb) which was nice. He is in Cali and doing good sounding things. Introduced me to a place in Santa Cruz that is a lot like Embercombe... :)
I feel like I have connected with people while being physically alone, independent, and strong.
Back to writing for Jim and reading for Maia.
Life is good - I appreciate these mellow, content, productive moments/days. :)