I got hit by a realization that it is good to be aware of: I have basically checked out of Guilford life. I am going to classes and meetings and things here and there and getting stuff done - but mentally I have checked out. I remember this really effecting Lucy (older kitchen apprentice) at Embercombe, she checked out about 3 months before leaving because that was when she needed to start planning what was happening next. She was kind but she definitely had a wall up because of that. Being aware of this happening is good. Now to act on making my life what I want--- (and figuring that out, even if just momentarily.) Thinking about what I do rather than just doing what I do because that is what I do.
Do not get me wrong, I am feeling fine. Before heading to the farm I spoke to James (one of the people in England I have given part of my heart to), I got to thin carrots at the farm, I got to eat, the meeting I was not looking forward to wasn't actually that bad, market happened... Things are good. Excited for when they will be great!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Sister time and Food: Important
The day Kelsey and I met in Spartensburg for a picnic visit in the grass.
October 2013.
Peppers molted with color, gleamed that morning, lying Case Sensitive - a poem that fell out of my heart earlier that day.
The after math from a visit to the back of Fresh Market.
Kelsey and I had a great chat with a pastor who was back there picking up food for a local food bank.
Man do I eat well~
Objects from My Past
This time last year this photo was important to me. A marker.
The objects I brought everywhere I went...
Monday, November 4, 2013
Reality Check
Well fancy that. Something must be working. Life feels ok right now... specifically I love that I am content to be where I am and feel ready to dive back into my research paper even though I just had a conversation with Jim (which could have taken me back to the Embercombe world) and heard about his current adventure and beauty filled life in California at an Embercombe life place... It felt real. The connection. Listening. Letting my mind go. Deciding to get back to my physical world. Sending love and saying good bye. Now it is time to continue reading about Richard Louv, his thoughts/experiences, and both the Children and Nature Network (Kiera's version of CNN - ha!) and the Leave No Child Inside movement.
Certainly not flawless (I feel sick from eating so much candy and I am tired from needing to wake up before 7 AM to finish a paper that was due at 8:30 AM because I chose to relax this weekend...) but life is a okay right now.
I am officially a paid baker now. Christopher Levkoff and I made a weekly deal fill his cookie jar. Getting paid for doing what I love.
Maybe things are starting ot feel right again, here, in this physical chapter of my life.
Certainly not flawless (I feel sick from eating so much candy and I am tired from needing to wake up before 7 AM to finish a paper that was due at 8:30 AM because I chose to relax this weekend...) but life is a okay right now.
I am officially a paid baker now. Christopher Levkoff and I made a weekly deal fill his cookie jar. Getting paid for doing what I love.
Maybe things are starting ot feel right again, here, in this physical chapter of my life.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Bits and Thoughts of an Alright Day
II am not exhausted from todays adventures, I have stuff to do, yet I am ready to end the day. I walk slowly down the hall way and rest my head on the sink as I spit out toothpaste. Not feeling very lively or overjoyed. Excited to be doing most of the things I feel like I need to do, but not feeling like now is the time. I am not overly tired, but I am going to sleep soon. It feels like the best thing to do at this point (unless teleportation is an option).
I have chosen that I should submit a grant application for January Term even though dreaming today brought up a strong option for those weeks, and following months.
Monday... dear - is it only Monday? It feels like tomorrow really should be Wednesday.
Tomorrow is the month marker for
getting my cleu mark
using only natural soaps
To touch something real, will help the wounds to heal... good lyrics.
I got hit by a huge wave of missing Embercombe today. Gravity and a sore heart cleaned my cheeks today. A necessary release. I chatted through typed words with Jana which forced the tears out, reminded me to keep dreaming, and left me feeling healthy and excited.
As my room mate skypes with her parents, I look at pictures of one of my protest buddies - the wild one. As she thinks and talks with her parents about her grandparents visit to campus as my mind wonders about the future and I dream about adventures.
Things I have been thinking about
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LULmbLlPvVk
responsibility
perceptions of life. What I want, what is, and what shapes them
my reality
the people and spaces I surround myself with
I have been taking long breathes out a lot lately
Life is so good when it is so good, and hard when it is not good.
Glad to have the dark redy purple sweatshirt in my life. I needed and the universe provided :)
I have chosen that I should submit a grant application for January Term even though dreaming today brought up a strong option for those weeks, and following months.
Monday... dear - is it only Monday? It feels like tomorrow really should be Wednesday.
Tomorrow is the month marker for
getting my cleu mark
using only natural soaps
To touch something real, will help the wounds to heal... good lyrics.
I got hit by a huge wave of missing Embercombe today. Gravity and a sore heart cleaned my cheeks today. A necessary release. I chatted through typed words with Jana which forced the tears out, reminded me to keep dreaming, and left me feeling healthy and excited.
What could be a lone swimmer, surrounded by murky water, smiling at a piece of technology once was a joy filled lady, swimming freely, living her dream, surrounded by an ever changing yet unconditionally loving community.
all things change with time
As my room mate skypes with her parents, I look at pictures of one of my protest buddies - the wild one. As she thinks and talks with her parents about her grandparents visit to campus as my mind wonders about the future and I dream about adventures.
Things I have been thinking about
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LULmbLlPvVk
responsibility
perceptions of life. What I want, what is, and what shapes them
my reality
the people and spaces I surround myself with
I have been taking long breathes out a lot lately
Life is so good when it is so good, and hard when it is not good.
Glad to have the dark redy purple sweatshirt in my life. I needed and the universe provided :)
Sunday, October 27, 2013
The Flow of my Saturday/Sunday
A brief and abridged play by play of 4 PM yesterday to now (just before 11AM)...
I packed a bag with what I would need for going to the caf and then straight to the Participatory Budget committee (PBC) meeting at UNCG.
Plans changed (beautifully!) and I found myself eating a wrap in the hut as folks visited and Jane made donuts.
Lily, Kiernan and I moved outside to a patch in the sun. Lily was lying down, I was eating my wrap, and Kiernan was playing guitar. I thought I had 30 minutes till I was supposed to be at the fountain to catch a ride to the PBC meeting, nope, I had -15.
I finished my wrap in the middle seat in the back in Helen's car next to Lesley and John Madden.
PBC happened. Seeing what other projects are happening in the community was refreshing. Age diversity was nice. Talking to new people was nice. ...we left there with a $500 check for the Mobile Farmers Market project, thanks to 29 community votes (that felt like a lot!). Community support and encouragement is very nice.
Helen, John Madden, Corrinne, Lesley, and I celebrated for a bit together --- we found ourselves in Lily's room in the Pines. Vince came through. Bennett and Lyes came through. It was good~
On my way out of the Pines I whistles to see if Vince was still in the Pines. The whistle response made my night go very differently. (Incredible night.)
Vince and I visited sitting talking in the Pines living room. Updating each other to what is going on in our heads. Both sharing deeply as well as supporting. The conversation was fluid, inclusive, reflective, informative, relaxing, releasing, and special.
Quick party in the kitchen.
Vince and I finally watched his high school production of Les Miserable - something we have been meaning to do for about a year now. Well - we only watched act 1 because I kept falling asleep, but - still. Curled up on the couch, watching a recording of my friend on stage, so many good singers, so warm, under so many blankets, slowly dozing in and out of the sleep world.
We slept on the pull out couch; such a good idea! It was a really great night. We both slept well even though we cuddled nearly all night. (He usually turns away and needs space after the first 10 minutes...)
Woke up with the sun. Pillow talk turned into tickle attempts, blanket hogging, conversation. (So appreciative to have Vince in my life.)
I walked to Shore through the botanical garden --
Now for the day ahead of me which includes:
making butternut squash soup
chopping lots of bananas
working on an art project for dance class
thinking about my outline for CF seminar
blogging about the visit to the water treatment plant
and many other things.
I am living such a good, privileged, special, beautiful, full, real life--
I packed a bag with what I would need for going to the caf and then straight to the Participatory Budget committee (PBC) meeting at UNCG.
Plans changed (beautifully!) and I found myself eating a wrap in the hut as folks visited and Jane made donuts.
Lily, Kiernan and I moved outside to a patch in the sun. Lily was lying down, I was eating my wrap, and Kiernan was playing guitar. I thought I had 30 minutes till I was supposed to be at the fountain to catch a ride to the PBC meeting, nope, I had -15.
I finished my wrap in the middle seat in the back in Helen's car next to Lesley and John Madden.
PBC happened. Seeing what other projects are happening in the community was refreshing. Age diversity was nice. Talking to new people was nice. ...we left there with a $500 check for the Mobile Farmers Market project, thanks to 29 community votes (that felt like a lot!). Community support and encouragement is very nice.
Helen, John Madden, Corrinne, Lesley, and I celebrated for a bit together --- we found ourselves in Lily's room in the Pines. Vince came through. Bennett and Lyes came through. It was good~
On my way out of the Pines I whistles to see if Vince was still in the Pines. The whistle response made my night go very differently. (Incredible night.)
Vince and I visited sitting talking in the Pines living room. Updating each other to what is going on in our heads. Both sharing deeply as well as supporting. The conversation was fluid, inclusive, reflective, informative, relaxing, releasing, and special.
Quick party in the kitchen.
Vince and I finally watched his high school production of Les Miserable - something we have been meaning to do for about a year now. Well - we only watched act 1 because I kept falling asleep, but - still. Curled up on the couch, watching a recording of my friend on stage, so many good singers, so warm, under so many blankets, slowly dozing in and out of the sleep world.
We slept on the pull out couch; such a good idea! It was a really great night. We both slept well even though we cuddled nearly all night. (He usually turns away and needs space after the first 10 minutes...)
Woke up with the sun. Pillow talk turned into tickle attempts, blanket hogging, conversation. (So appreciative to have Vince in my life.)
I walked to Shore through the botanical garden --
Now for the day ahead of me which includes:
making butternut squash soup
chopping lots of bananas
working on an art project for dance class
thinking about my outline for CF seminar
blogging about the visit to the water treatment plant
and many other things.
I am living such a good, privileged, special, beautiful, full, real life--
Saturday, October 26, 2013
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